Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
