pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm both gender and math confused
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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