Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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