I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
