no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
