You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
