My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
