Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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