So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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