sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
