The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
