We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
