I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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