nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
