i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
