with your own penis?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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