my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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