I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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