i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
