The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
