Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
there is glitter all over my balls
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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