I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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