Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
