I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
