Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
