Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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