I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
