I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
