keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
