Got a toothbrush?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
