i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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