I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I looked at my own cervix.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
