he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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