So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
