Your face is a jimmy john
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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