my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
