chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
now i know why i became what i already was.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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