theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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