You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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