So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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