The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
