ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
