smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
