The maid of honor just puked.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He shit in the fireplace
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
