imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
