Screwed.edu
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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