I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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