fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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