Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
