when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
